


The colours of you.

by Anonymous



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Tragedy, Car Accidents, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, NHEV, No Happy Ending Fest, Suicide, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29641638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: In a world where Colours appear when you meet your soulmate and disappear when you lose them, Chanyeol had never ever imagined going through such loss.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Minseok | Xiumin, Kim Jongin | Kai/Park Chanyeol, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 19
Collections: No Happy Ending Fest - 2020





	The colours of you.

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** R5-056  
>  **Prompt:** Soulmate AU: you only see color when you meet your soulmate. Chanyeol has been seeing colors ever since he met Jongin and dated him, On one fine day, the colors turned to its old black and white when Chanyeol was at the office. It never returned.  
>  **Pairing/Main Character(s):** Park Chanyeol / Kim Jongin  
>  **Side Characters(if any):** Kim Minseok / Do Kyungsoo  
>  **Word Count:** 2828  
>  **Warning(s)/Additional Tag(s):** Graphic Car Accident. Suicidal process. Drug abuse and Drug Addiction.  
>  **Author's note:** The shortest fic I ever submitted to NHE lol the Beta-Reading I got saved the fic big time so I am thankful and I hope the story is an enjoyable ride for everybody.

Chanyeol found himself lucky to have Jongin as a soulmate. They met in his second year of university, dated all through their college life and found a job in the same company before they each found better-paying jobs at different but closely-located businesses.

He was lucky because Jongin was everything he wanted in a soulmate. Forgiving, Jongin rarely got mad at him and even when he does it is rarely for so long. He always comes to discuss things first and knows what to say to make Chanyeol see where he did wrong if he was. He was also a fantastic cook, Chanyeol tried to learn but Jongin seemed to get better over time. 

“I literally had culinary classes so I can cook this good,” Jongin complained, “stop making me sound like a sort of genius.” 

“But you are a genius,” Chanyeol refuted, pulling Jongin closer before he added seductively, “you are  _ my _ genius.” 

Jongin would instantly blush but still roll his eyes and try to free himself, and Chanyeol would kiss him right then which would make him melt and make him whine that dinner would burn if they keep up with that. 

Chanyeol loved teasing Jongin the most. 

Jongin, however,  _ was _ a genius. He got promoted as a director in his marketing department just a month after he and Chanyeol got married, and a year and a half since he joined the company. It wasn’t a small company either, so Chanyeol was impressed and so proud of Jongin. He didn’t fail to say that to Jongin whenever he could. 

“Baby, I am home!” Chanyeol yelled as he got into their apartment, only to see Jongin show up with red eyes and a sad smile. “Jongin?” 

“Welcome home, Yeol,” Jongin said with a smile. “How was your day?” 

Chanyeol ignored that and approached Jongin to engulf him in a hug. “It’s okay, you know I’ll always be here for you, right?” He commented. 

By habit, Chanyeol learned not to push Jongin to tell him anything since it never worked. He would just show support and wait. “Minseok hyung’s cancer worsened today.” Jongin hiccuped in his hold and said through sobs, “Kyungsoo is devastated. He couldn’t even work.” 

Chanyeol tensed, holding Jongin tighter. 

Minseok and Kyungsoo were soulmates, who were lucky enough to meet and marry like them, but only a few months ago, Minseok found out he had liver cancer, in an advanced stage. Chanyeol didn’t know them personally, but Kyungsoo was Jongin’s coworker and Jongin kept reporting his state the entire time. 

“It is just a relapse, I am sure.” Chanyeol tried to assure Jongin who shook his head.

“He said the world turned duller,” Jongin whispered. “The colours got greyer. It’s a sign that Minseok hyung would die within this week.” 

“Not necessarily, Jongin,” Chanyeol insisted, “it could mean he is in danger but miracles happen and people reach danger before surviving. Didn’t Kyungsoo tell you that Minseok hyung needed a transplant and he would survive?” Jongin nodded and Chanyeol smiled before saying, “See, let us pray before bed and I’m sure God would hear us.” 

That night, Chanyeol prayed that God would spare Jongin from the pain of seeing him dead as he couldn’t imagine Jongin going through that.

The next day, Jongin had to leave early as he had a trip to Busan for a contract. “I’ll be back before dinner but I won’t be able to make anything, so get us some meat and some takeout.” 

“Black bean noodles?” Chanyeol mumbled in bed.

Jongin chuckled, leaning to kiss him on the lips. “The usual,” he whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Chanyeol held Jongin for a second longer before kissing him again and letting him go. “Be careful on your way back.” 

“Don’t worry,” Jongin assured. 

Chanyeol spent his day as usual but around six pm, as he was wrapping a project, the room suddenly turned darker. It was so sudden, he thought he lost his sight for a second. 

“No.” The wave of panic made him exclaim loudly as he looked away. His coworkers looked at him in surprise and he smiled, denial was written on his face as to shakingly say, “my eyes are acting up from looking at the screen.” 

They didn’t push further and he waited. A voice in his brain told him what it meant but he refused to believe it. “It must be the screen,” he whispered to himself eventually. “I need to rest my eyes.” He asked for an early leave, picking meat and noodles on his way. 

He struggled as he felt like he lost sight and not just colours, but he kept his polite smile on, speaking to people as if nothing happened. 

However, once home, the sight of police officers at his door took him aback. His face might have said it because the officers looked down. “We are sorry for your loss,” one of them said, “but we would like you to join us.” 

“Why would I? What happened?” He asked even if he knew what happened.

“A piece of a bridge got knocked out by the lightning and fell straight into your husband’s windshield,” the other one explained. “He died instantly, we believe.” 

Chanyeol couldn’t understand what the man said even if it made sense. He opened the door, put the bags down inside and immediately came back out. The officers led him away without speaking as his expression said it all.

The man was in denial. 

“Do you have someone you can call?” One of the officers asked and Chanyeol nodded but said nothing. “Would you prefer if we made the call?” 

Chanyeol nodded and as they reached the hospital, he was given Jongin’s keys, wallet, cards, and clothes, except the dress shirt and the tie. Chanyeol held them close and blinked into the void.

A cold colourless void.

As it settled in that he lost his soulmate and had to live his life without colours again, tears ran down his cheeks while he held onto Jongin’s stuff.

He didn’t answer anyone despite hearing them. 

He couldn’t speak. 

He couldn’t comprehend what happened. 

He stayed there, hungry, lost and heartbroken until he was pulled up, forced to walk. He had no idea where he was going or what he was doing. He only realized he was home when he noticed the grey picture of Jongin on the wall. 

He looked at whoever was holding him. He realized it was Jongin’s mother who seemed as devastated as he was. “He… he isn’t coming back?” Chanyeol asked. He couldn’t recognize his voice, which went hoarse and broken. “He said he would be back for dinner but…” 

“It’s okay, Chanyeol. It would be okay soon,” she tried to soothe his pain but he only cried. He cried his heart out as he curled around Jongin’s pillow. He didn’t stop until sleep came.

In his dream, there was colour and there was also Jongin who he hugged. 

He didn’t wake up until later the next day. It took him a moment to realize the reality of what he was going to face. He noticed missed calls from work, but he didn’t even care. He dressed up aimlessly, as he couldn’t differentiate the colours. He wandered around the house, nodding to the old couple, before sitting on the table, joining them for a meal he was sure would taste as bland as the world around him. 

“Chanyeol,” the old man Kim said, “I know it hurts but you are his husband so you are the one who should sign the papers and deal with the funeral.” 

Chanyeol nodded, his heart getting duller the more he was aware of it. 

“Can I get buried with him?” he asked only for the couple to pat his back. He went to his job, letting them know that he lost colours and won’t be able to work properly for a week. So he was given the week leave he deserved. 

At the hospital, he was shocked to know that Jongin had signed an agreement for organ donation almost a year before his death. It was a lifetime agreement many signed so that their organs would be donated in case of their death, and Chanyeol felt his heart clench. “Your husband’s upper body was mostly destroyed but his liver and kidneys are still intact,” the doctor said and Chanyeol’s mental image of Jongin nearly made him faint. 

“Do as you find fit, Doctor,” Chanyeol said, lifeless. 

The pain overwhelmed him enough at some point.

He couldn’t hold his sobs as he sat down, surrounded by Jongin’s parents. 

They tried to calm him down but nothing could ease the sudden despair that he felt at the idea that not only did Jongin die but he would be buried as an empty shell. He could only sit there and cry his heart out. 

The funeral went like a blur, he had no idea what happened as he cried most of the time. He could remember crying on top of the closed casket in front of everyone and how he stood there as they cremated his husband’s body. Three days went like a nightmare except for the short colourful dreams he had in his sleep. He hadn’t eaten or drank anything during that time, so much he couldn’t trust the world anymore. 

“For how long are you planning to be like this?” His sister scolded him and he looked at her, lifeless. “You lost your soulmate, yes, but you aren’t dead yet. You can’t live like this.” 

Chanyeol frowned and nodded absently. “I can’t see colours, Noona. Do you know what it means? It means that Jongin was the only great thing I ever had. Without him, now the world feels colder, duller, plain…,” Chanyeol spoke monotonously and his sister looked like panic overwhelmed her. “It hurts to breathe, Noona. It hurts to even exist. I want to be with him, I want to touch him again, I want to smell his perfume again, I want… I want Jongin back, Noona.” 

“Yeol,” she couldn’t say much as she pulled her sobbing mess of a brother and hugged him. “I am sorry. I won’t scold you for not eating, just please don’t cry.” 

Chanyeol cried himself to sleep, dreaming of Jongin in a field of roses just like where they had their wedding, surrounded with colours, before waking up to see a grey ceiling and black walls. He knew they were dark blue but they only looked as black as the inside of a locked coffin.

Noticing how his expression worsened, his parents didn’t push him to eat but they managed to make him shower and dress up. “I want to buy black clothes. I don’t want colours,” Chanyeol said eventually. “I don’t notice the colours anyway.” 

His sister nodded. “I’ll do that for you,” she assured. 

Chanyeol simply nodded and went to nap. Right as he closed his eyes, tiredness overcame enough for him to dream. Jongin was in the kitchen, cooking, and he got in, hugging him and resting his chin on his husband’s shoulder. “Jongin…” Chanyeol could feel the sobs threatening to leave his lips and Jongin paused to look at him.

“What is it? You sound so sad,” Jongin commented. Chanyeol didn’t answer so Jongin turned the stove off and looked at Chanyeol who held his cheeks, looking at him with an unconcealed avidity. “What is it, Yeol? You are making me worry about you.” 

“I can’t live without you,” Chanyeol whimpered, as he sobbed. “Please don’t leave me.” 

Jongin smiled and caressed his hands. He allowed Chanyeol to sob for a moment before saying. “I will always be here, you know? You have just to close your eyes and you will see me.” 

Chanyeol closed his eyes at that, only to open them to his reality. He shed tears but unlike the past days, a nagging feeling overwhelmed him more. That exact evening, he hunted for sleeping pills. 

He took one before even getting home, hoping for a fast effect, and lied down in bed, ignoring his family until sleep came. 

He noticed the sun first, then the blue sky before hearing a burst of beautiful laughter coming from a handsome man. He sat up to see Jongin run around with a grin, in a beautiful green field. “Jongin?” 

“Oh, you are awake!” Jongin rushed to his side and jumped on him. “You napped for so long! Let’s play.” 

Chanyeol observed Jongin’s face, feeling his heart contract at the joy of seeing Jongin’s skin colour, the tiny wrinkles around his eyes when he smiles. He missed all that. “You are so beautiful, Jongin,” Chanyeol said with tears running down. 

“You haven’t said that to me in a while,” Jongin teased. “What’s the occasion?” 

“I just love you and see you as the most beautiful thing in my world,” Chanyeol admitted, smiling lovingly as he pushed Jongin’s hair away from his eyes. “I also miss you a lot. I miss you to death.” 

“Why would you miss me? I am right here, no?” Chanyeol smiled as Jongin gave him soft pecks on the face but as soon as he closed his eyes and opened them, he was awake.

He was back to a world he didn’t belong to. He left the bed to pick up two pills, hoping it would make him sleep longer, and he lied in bed with Jongin’s picture smiling at him. “Don’t go anywhere,” Chanyeol whispered to the picture before closing his eyes.

Even though sleep took the time to come, he dreamed of Jongin again. He heard him laugh and looked at his face to his heart’s content. 

He repeated the same cycle for days until his family noticed and threw his pills away. “Aren’t you aware of how dangerous and addictive this shit is?” His sister yelled. “You could have used a better alternative to sleep, not this!” 

Chanyeol didn’t want them to know why he used the pills. “I just wanted to rest because I feel tired,” he lied. “I feel like I don’t sleep even with them.”

“But you do! You missed two days of work already!” 

It was true but Chanyeol didn’t care at that point. He missed Jongin and managed to buy sleeping pills on his way from work a few days later. He could tell his body had taken a serious hit but nobody said anything about his state, despite the scolding he got for missing two workdays.

He managed to sleep as soon as he showered and hit the bed. That night, he dreamed of a naked Jongin laying by his side as the sun hit the sleeping man’s skin. Chanyeol couldn’t stop his hand and ran it on the smooth surface, tracing the curves with the tip of his fingers. 

Jongin smiled, his eyes still closed, and just allowed Chanyeol to do as he wanted. “Good morning, Yeol,” he whispered as Chanyeol’s hand reached his cheek. 

“You slept well?” Chanyeol asked only for Jongin to shake his head, smirking. 

“Someone didn’t want to let me sleep,” Jongin teased which made Chanyeol chuckle. “See? He doesn’t feel sorry at all.” 

“Why should I be sorry for loving you so much?” Chanyeol didn’t mean to sound sad, right then. For a second he didn’t know why he was sad. “I just want you to know that you mean the world to me.” 

Jongin observed him for a moment. “I know,” he whispered, getting closer and hugging Chanyeol who held him tightly. “You mean the world to me too.” 

Chanyeol’s heart eased at that and he closed his eyes only to wake up again in a cold bed, alone. It was the morning and all Chanyeol could do was to cry. He showered, got some soup which was his first meal in five days, and went to work but as soon as he was back home, he had already swallowed three pills.

He didn’t notice how the dose grew higher and even if he had, it wouldn’t matter. Dreaming of Jongin longer made him eager for more sleep. His body grew weaker, his performance at work fell, and by the time the weekend got close, the Jongin in his dreams grew worried too.

“Why are you here for so long?” He asked him in one of his dreams. “I don’t want you to miss work, Yeol.” 

Chanyeol smiled, holding Jongin’s hand. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I only care about you,” Chanyeol had said. “Don’t worry about me and come here.” He had kissed Jongin, closing his eyes only to open them and see Jongin still there. 

“Chanyeol?” Jongin frowned. “What’s wrong?” 

Chanyeol shook his head. “Nothing,” He smiled, as his tears ran down. “Nothing, I am just happy to be home,” He had said as he hugged Jongin, burying his nose into his man’s neck.

It was the best dream he had in days and the last. 


End file.
